Closing Out 2013

2013... it was a year.

I can't say it was a good year.  The economy is a weird mix, where the stock market is at an all-time high while unemployment remains high and prices continue to rise even though the interest rates are at an all-time low.  

Sports continue to be depressing- instead of bad, this year the Cleveland sports teams are disappointing, raising up hopes only to destroy them.  Actually, that only applies to the Browns and Cavs- the Indians did quite well.  But baseball itself doesn't interest me anymore.  

Politics?  The GOP self-destructed in spectacular fashion, shutting down the government on a lost cause and somehow managing to lower an approval rating that was already under 15%.  Then the Democrats took this gift and raised (lowered?) the bar by doing such a poor job on the Health Care plan they spent three years working on that they dropped below the approval rating of the GOP.  It's annoying when the politicians that you don't agree with win; but now it seems like there's no one who knows how to do the job- and that should terrify you, no matter what you believe on the political spectrum.  

World Events?  Two terrorists planted a bomb during the Boston Marathon, killing three and injuring dozens of people.  Assad used chemical weapons against his own people and is still in power.  The world seems full of problems with no obvious solutions, but 2013 seemed more

On a personal level- well, the job continues, and I'm having a blast at Improv.  And we've found not one but two RPGs to start playing in.  But a lot of the personal projects I've been working on stalled and need to be restarted.
 
Ah well- at least I have Cute Emergency for self therapy.  Nothing like cute animals to make you feel better.

Here's hoping for a better 2014.

 

Hypothetical Discussion Question: Experiencing Another Lifetime

You have an opportunity to experience a famous person's life. Now, you end up experiencing their ENTIRE life- all of the highs and lows. If they have emotional problems, you experience those. If they have an injury, you experience that also. You get the entire package- all of the highs, and all of the lows. It can be any person, past or present

I'll split it into three categories:

1) Athletes

2) Entertainers/Celebrities

3) Historical Figures (politicians, newsmakers, etc.)

Who do you select?

Hypothetical Discussion Question: Entertainment Career

Discussion question for all of my friends who want to be professional entertainers- singers, comedians, actors, writers, etc.:

You get an offer- for two years, you will be one of the most successful and famous entertainers on the planet. You will sell out stadiums, people will beg for you to appear on their tv shows, you will make millions.

The price is, at the end of the two years, it all ends. You go from selling out stadiums to being a punchline for a has-been, and your name is radioactive. You keep what you have in terms of wealth, but you'll never work again.

In other words, I'm offering you Andrew Dice Clay or Stephanie Meyer's career path. If you don't take it, you'll continue on whatever path you're going.

Do you take the offer?

 

 

NFL Predictions- 2013/2014 season

Like I know what I'm talking about...
 

AFC East                            NFC East               

1     New England       12    4     1     NY Giants         9     7

2     Miami             7     9     2     Dallas            8     8
3     Buffalo           6     10    3     Washington        8     8
4     NY Jets           3     13    4     Philadelphia      7     9

                                           

AFC North                           NFC North              
1     Baltimore         10    6     1     Green Bay         11    5
2     Cincinnati        10    6     2     Chicago           10    6
3     Cleveland         8     8     3     Detroit           7     9
4     Pittsburgh        5     11    4     Minnesota         7     9

                                              

AFC South                           NFC South              
1     Houston           12    4     1     New Orleans       11    5
2     Tennessee         9     7     2     Atlanta           11    5
3     Indianapolis      8     8     3     Carolina          6     10
4     Jacksonville      3     13    4     Tampa Bay         5     11

                                               

AFC West                            NFC West               
1     Denver            12    4     1     San Francisco     11    5
2     Kansas City       9     7     2     Seattle           11    5
3     San Diego         5     11    3     Arizona           6     10
4     Oakland           4     12    4     St. Louis         5     11

                                              

                                               
Playoffs                                             
1     Denver                        1     Green Bay        
2     New England                   2     New Orleans      
3     Houston                       3     San Francisco          
4     Baltimore                     4     NY Giants        
5     Cincinnati                    5     Atlanta          
6     Kansas City                   6     Seattle          

                                              

                                               
1st round   Baltimore over Cincinnati     Atlanta over NY Giants                          Houston over Kansas City      Seattle over San Francisco           

2nd round   Houston over New England      Green Bay over Seattle

            Denver over Baltimore         Atlanta over New Orleans           

Conf.       Houston over Denver           Atlanta over Green Bay       

                                            

Super Bowl              Atlanta 31, Houston 24      

Memo to the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy: Scandal Edition

To:    members@vastrightwingconspiracy.con
From: mightybastard@vastrightwingconspiracy.com (membership ID:  TK-421)
Password:  0bama15aween1e


Folks,

We're handling these scandals all wrong.  The IRS Scandal and the Justice Department wiretapping the AP- we need to point out the real dangers here, not score political points.

Everyone's talking about how these scandals hurt Obama.  That's not the point, nor should it be.

For one thing, Obama's irrelevant.  He won in 2012 on a campaign of "I'm not Romney", and never pushed an agenda.  Plus, he's terrible at the job of, you know, actually running the country.  He's going to spend the next 18 months with one goal in mind- trying to vote out the GOP House.  After that... I don't know; he'll play some golf and make some speeches, trying to set up a Legacy.  Outside events will drive the topics in Washington; the President won't.

So forget about figuring out how these scandals hurt Obama.  Instead, try to find ways to make sure they never happen again.

The Conservative Argument against Big Government can be stated in two bullet points.

1)  A Leviathan Bureaucratic State is so inefficient that it causes more harm than good compared to a smaller, limited government

2)  A Leviathan Bureaucratic State grants so much unchecked power to others than abuse of the system is inevitable and causes harm to innocents.

The IRS Scandal is a perfect example of #2.  A bunch of IRS employees used their power to grind a political axe.  They targetted groups they didn't agree with, threatening them with audits.

Everyone understands that the IRS is a frightening group.  It has the power to tax our income, to take our homes, and to arrest us if we don't fill out there 20,000 pages of tax forms exactly right.  People dread the idea of dealing with the IRS.

And the people responsible used that dread to intimidate political groups they didn't like.

I don't want firings; I want arrests and perp walks for those responsible.

But more importantly, I want transparency in the way the IRS targets groups for audits to make sure this doesn't happen again.  The IRS has gotten so powerful that these types of abuses are going to happen unless they change how the IRS can use its authority.

THAT'S what we should be going after- some limitations to what the IRS can do to prevent these types of abuses.

Same with the AP Scandal, although I'm thinking the media should do the heavy lifting for us there.  Using the Department of Justice to record private conservations reporters have?  We all know the media is in the tank for the President, but I think this will cause a few unpleasant dinner dates between them. 

But stop targetting Obama- he's irrelevant.  Concentrate on finding ways to make sure this doesn't happen again.

Sincerely,
TK-421

PS- You'll notice I haven't mentioned Benghazi.  That was a serious screw up- four men were killed when they were put in a dangerous situation.  In retrospect, it was obvious they needed more protection.  By all means, hold hearings to figure out why this happened.  But this is less of a scandal and more a case of incompetent screw ups.  The IRS and AP are scandals; Benghazi was incompetence.  Combining the two only muddies the water.

Gay Marriage Thoughts

The SCOTUS (Supreme Court of the United States) is weighing in on gay marriage and determining the Constitutionality.  The reading of the tea leaves indicate that SCOTUS will overturn DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act).  Then again, I thought the Supreme Court would overturn Obamacare, so you never know.

But popular opinion is rapidly swinging in favor of gay marriage.  Especially among the young.  This is a good thing, IMHO- I have several friends who are gay, and I want them to be happy as I am in my marriage.  

I can think of several tangents, though:

1)  I never, never understood why Social Conservatives were against gay marriage.   It seems to me they should have been leading the charge for gay marriage.  Long term committed relationships are healthy and should be ENCOURAGED. 

2)  I'm still confused by the political points on this one.  Barack Obama ran against gay marriage in 2008.  The fact that he changed his opinion is nice, but he was still several years behind Dick Cheney, Ted Olson, Colin Powell, etc. 

Ah, hell- I disagree with the President on just about everything else.  Might as well give him credit on one of the few things I do agree with him on :)

3)  In every couple, there is one person who wants to get married more than the other.  Right now, look at every gay couple you know- one of them is thinking, "Damn- there goes that excuse."  

4)  Should the Supreme Court support gay marriage in all 50 states, there's going to be a floodgates of marriages.  I'm a good capitalist, and thinking "How can I profit from this?".  It may be time to start investing in florists and bakeries before the deluge.

5)  Is it rude to ask all of my friends who are gay "Are you getting married yet?  Are you getting married yet?  When?  When?  When?"  Sure, it's rude- but it is a consequence of having the right to marry :)

Judging Commercials

I watch far too much TV... which means I watch far too many commercials. So much so that I tend to tune them out. And since the point of commercials is to convince you to spend money on their product, that means that a vast majority of commercials fail in their mission.

To me, a great commercial should do three things:

1. Be memorable
2. Be positive towards them
3. Associate the commercial with the product

Far too many commercials fail in the third task. For instance, watch the commercial below:

Then wait 30 minutes...  Go ahead, I'll stay here...

Now, that commercial hits (1) and (2)- it's memorable, it's funny, you like it.

But do you remember what product they are pitching? Hell, do you remember what COMPANY they are pitching?

Maybe you do. But I'll bet most people won't. They'll remember the funny Viking commercials ("The spiked heels are WORKING!"), but forget that those Vikings are selling Spark Cards and working for Capitol One. 

Then there are commercials that stick with you, but for all the wrong reasons:

OK- most people remember these commercials, and most people can associate them with Apple.

But for a large part of the audience- myself included- they found 'Apple' to be smug, and had much more empathy to 'PC'. The result was a backlash- I'll bet Microsoft LOVED these commercials.

In my mind, the best commercials out there today are:

Memorable, funny, clever, associated with the product- I don't even drink beer and I've tried Dos Equis. Very successful.

But, to my mind, the greatest commercial of all time- even 40+ years later...

... hell, I'll hold off the video and just say one thing.

"Hey Mikey! He Likes It!"

Everyone who took part in that commercial should get a royalty check from Kellogg's until the end of time.

Diary of a Mighty Writer...

You can blame Isaac Asimov for this one...

Back in junior high, I went through a phase where I read a ton of Asimov- the Foundation Series, the Robot Trilogy, the Black Widow Books... Asimov wasn't just a fine science fiction writer- he was a great storyteller.  He could write a short story that was interesting, amusing, and thoughtful.

I've started re-reading Asimov, and it spurred the interest to start writing short stories of my own.  And on the internet, you can find a place to showcase anything.

So here is my first sci-fi short story.  Enjoy.  

 

Which Franchise Should win First- NHL

I'm not a hockey fan, but wanted to leave this in to be a completionist.

Which Franchise Should win First- NBA

It's still amazing that literally HALF of the NBA Titles have been won by two franchises (Celtics and Lakers). The history of the NBA has been centered around those two franchises, with one period of domination by Michael Jordan. In 2013, there is a good chance that neither the Celtics nor Lakers will make the playoffs- which just seems so out of play. We're used to seeing one or the other team always dominate.

Which Franchise should win first- NFL

Only four franchises (Texans, Browns, Lions, Jaguars) have not made the Super Bowl. And if you included the AFL or pre-Super Bowl NFL, many of these franchises would be off the list. But modern fans only start counting from the Super Bowl.

Which franchise should win first- MLB

In baseball, all of the franchises since 1901 have won at least one championship. The oldest franchises that have been shut out started in 1962 (The Astros and Rangers).

A special shout to the Florida Marlins, who have already won two titles in a very short lifespan. And by "shout out", I mean "Go to hell". I'm still bitter about 1997, thank you very much.

The teams that haven't won...

Another Super Bowl... and between two teams that I don't have any feelings for. I don't hate the 49ers or the Ravens, nor do I particularly care for them, either.

When in doubt, my default position is to root for the team that has never won the title before. That didn't apply in this case- both the 49ers and Ravens have won the title game, and in the recent past (my definition of "in the recent past"= "I remember when it happened"). So again- no rooting preference.

But my question today- turn that around. Of all of the teams that have not a championship, who do you want to see win the championship next?

This isn't the same question as "who is your favorite team?" In baseball, I grew up a Cubs and Indians fan. Both franchises have won the championships before (before I was born, but that's besides the point). Of the franchises that have never won the title, which one would you prefer to see break their streak and be crowned champions?

Any criteria is acceptable- I'm more curious to see who people are rooting for.

NBA... on the move!

The story is that the Sacramento Kings are being sold to an owner who plans on moving them to Seattle.  It's a familiar story- a loyal fanbase being stabbed in the back by greedy and/or stupid owners who get bailed out by moving the team to a new city, just waiting to give them a brand-spanking new stadium and all of the money in the world.

(Side note:  I'm a full-fledged capitalist.  However, I make an exception for sports for three reasons:

1- Sports, unlike life, really is a zero-sum game.  For San Francisco to succeed, Atlanta must lose.  If that's the case, better to make things as equal as possible.

2- Sports teams have no problem blackmailing cities- and therefore, taxpayers- to finance their stadiums.  Therefore, they've lost the credibility to be only a business.

3- Having lost the Browns and experiencing this firsthand, I'm more than a little bitter)

So I think it's time to strike back.

My suggestion, which I offer free to the city of Sacramento for no charge, is to make the following announcement:

"Hi.  Because of the recent sale, the Sacramento Kings are going to be moved to Seattle.  This will replace the team the city of Seattle lost when they were sold to Oklahoma.  In both cases, fanbases were lied to and betrayed, and the NBA abetted and allowed this move.

Now, we could insist that the NBA cancel this move- but they claim they can't.  Or we could try to change from being the victim to the attacker and take someone else's city.  But that unfair to the other city.

So we're going to give the NBA two choices.  Option number 1- a new expansion team, right here in Sacramento.  Heck- we'll be so glad that the owners aren't the Maloofs that we'll take a brand-new franchise.

If you don't like that, we'll go to option number 2.  Now, we won't steal another city's NBA franchise.  That's because the Los Angeles Lakers will voluntarily come to us.

They'll come, because if they don't, the state of California- did we mention that Sacramento is the capital of California?- will pass a 10,000% tax on all NBA purchases involving California teams.  Those Lakers tickets really will be made of gold, for as much as they'll cost.  They can either move here on their own, or start charging seven-digit ticket prices.  

Oh- and that tax increase also applies for all NBA contracts.  There might be some legal issues, but since we don't have basketball here in Sacramento, we have plenty of time to go through the court system.

Now, some people might say that it's unfair to take the Lakers.  But Los Angeles already has two teams, so they aren't losing the NBA.  Besides, we're still pissed about the 2002 playoffs.

So, the choice is yours, David Stern.  Give us a new franchise, give us the Lakers, or give us a massive check."

And, Sacramento... you're welcome.
 

Holy Crap... I'm in a show!

Lately, I've started going to the Improv at Mahall's in Cleveland.  It's a fun show with a great group of people.  

I've tried both stand-up comedy and community theater in the past, and Improv takes the best of both worlds.  

Unlike stand-up, which is a solitary activity (it's just you on stage), Improv allows you to work with and play off others.  Also, my own experiences with stand-up has been that the comics have a very cut-throat mentality. 

In community theater you work with others, but it's extremely structured- you're limited to what the play is, or the director's interpretation of the play.  It becomes repetitive.  Plus, half the plays are very tragic in nature, and I continue a decade of being on a low-angst diet.

But with Improv, you work with a group of people, and come up with new things every time.  And we've been lucky to work with a great group of people at Mahall's.

From this group, we found out about a sketch comedy group starting up, and now we're part of The Public Squares.  I've always wanted to be on show like SNL or SCTV, so this is a dream come true.  Our shows are (pitch alert!)  Feb. 1 and 2nd.  The crew is great, and the skits are funny.  

Finally... the Mighty Bastard comes to the stage :)